Reflection

Today started out as not a great day. Let's just say some dominos I was hoping would fall one way, fell the other. And then some of the multiple balls I had up in the air fell and smacked me in the face. The stress of everything going on for us hit hard today. I was at a point where the next person that told me something I didn't want to hear, was going to have to deal with uncontrollable crying or be told to f*** off. It really could have gone either way.

I ran home for 10 minutes to change clothes after work, to go to another work function, where I had to have professional photos taken for any publicity they may need my face for. I don't know why they couldn't keep using my class composite photo from 8 years ago, I totally look the same. I threw something that was sort of clean and professional looking on, and tried to fix a little makeup so it didn't totally look like a mugshot after a hard night out. As I was rushing around I caught a glimpse of Hattie's photo on our travel approval. A much younger Hattie.

I keep losing track in these preparations of the fact she is going to be ours in about two weeks. It's always been this mythical thing that was probably going to happen, but when? Adam sent me a text of the milk he bought at Target.

That's the date we are leaving. The milk is expiring the day we are leaving! Who's going to throw it out and HOLY CRAP that is the day we are leaving.  Both nauseating and exciting at the same time, I am losing track during my days that I am becoming a parent again, very soon. My job is very important to me, where my dog stays is important to me, whether our parents have every possible phone number they could need is important to me, whether my DVR records Dexter and Hard Knocks while I"m gone is a little important to me..........but my biggest job is focusing to become a mother again. Everything does need to be taken care of before we go, but time needs to be taken out for reflection and processing of the situation I am about to walk in to for a second time. As a die hard introvert I need it. So on the way to my work function I listened to my favorite Pandora station the whole way, the station I play when I want to be hopeful about this process coming to a happy ending. I didn't check my email at stoplights and I didn't think about what I had to do when I got to my destination. I drove and listened, to exactly what I needed to.