Checkboxes

Adam and I had to fill out our final medical checklist for our home study this past week. We had looked at it several times and had talked with a local pediatrician who is an expert in reviewing adoption referrals for medical reasons, but it was still one of the most difficult things in the process thus far. So many checkboxes to mark or not mark. This was the real document that would be going in our file and that we would be matched with a child off of. It drove home the reality that our child would be coming home with one of these medical problems. I don't want to sound like we hadn't considered this and thought about it extensively, we had. We had agreed this was the path we wanted to take. However when the process starts to move along there is a heightened reality at every step. This was one of those times. I have a feeling impending parenthood elicits....
lots of doubts about your own capabilities and this was the first of many cases.

It was a different mix of emotions to mark the checkboxes on the form. We would run across conditions like cerebral palsy, blindness, deafness, etc. where we knew this was something we were not prepared to handle as first time parents. Marking "no" on those boxes makes you very aware those kids with those conditions need families right now as well, and their chances of finding one are not that great. It's a weird feeling of guilt and heartbreak to have to think about this fact and make an active choice not to accept them.

At the same time marking that we are willing to accept children with cleft lip/ palate or clubfoot or heart condition, etc., then deciding what severity makes you stare the fact that your child will have one of these things. Even with a fairly strong medical background I was like, what is the difference between minor, moderate, and severe tuberculosis??? And I teach tuberculosis to pharmacy students!  It makes me excited, anxious, hopeful, and scared all at the same time. I'm excited and hopeful because on most days I think we can handle whatever is thrown at us. Because I feel like I have a connection already with this child wherever they may be and whatever people may say is "wrong" with them. I'm anxious and scared because you have to think about the procedures that your child will have to go through, seeing them in pain, doctor's visits, the possibility they will have a disability affecting them for their entire lives.

I know a lot people cannot open their homes to a "special needs" adoption or an adopted child in general for various reasons, I don't know that I would have considered it or been aware of it if not for our experience. I don't want to be one of those crazy adoption advocates, all up in your face about the need and wonderfulness of adoption. But I do want people to at least consider it, maybe those thinking of a second child or those undergoing serious infertility treatment, etc. I have a feeling there are a lot of children like ours that linger on without parents until their age becomes more prohibitive to a successful adoption.