What did you just say??

So this will be my first post regarding racial/ cultural issues, probably one of many over the next few years. A disclaimer, I do not aim to offend or antagonize anyone in any way, unless of course you are racist, and am just here to share my experiences and feelings as well as gain insight from other adoptive parents who have experienced similar issues.

I was leaving my job about a week ago and we have one of those rotating doors, I'm not exactly sure what you call them.....oh yeah revolving doors. Anyway I was waiting at the door to step into it to leave and a lady in front of me was trying to direct someone where to park their car and then come up back to the door for an appointment. At least that is what I gathered from the few snippets of the conversation I caught. What I do distinctly remember hearing was, "She doesn't know what she's doing. It's some stupid Chinese lady." 

I heard her shouting this back to someone inside as she was entering the revolving door in the "compartment" ahead of me. She got outside ahead of me and started walking in the opposite direction I was going. I stood there for a minute when I got outside and then just started walking to my car. 

I sort of did a double take in my head thinking, did she really just say that when I was standing here. Doesn't she know I'm going to have a Chinese child! As I was walking to my car I was so upset with myself for not having done anything about it. I could have chased after her and said........well that was the problem, I really hadn't thought about what to say. It probably would have ended up being obscenities angrily shouted at her given the "gut" reaction I had. Which would not have been the appropriate thing to do.

It was the first time I had really experienced someone being outright racist against Asian Americans, Chinese Americans in particular, since we knew we were going to have a Chinese child. And I did nothing. I have given quite a bit of thought to being a transracial family and we spent some time on it in our adoptive parenting classes but until you are confronted with an actual situation you don't realize that you really do need to practice responding to those situations. Otherwise Adam may end up bailing me out of jail for getting into a fight. My gut reaction was anger. Anger that someone would call my child stupid for being Chinese.

We learned quite a bit about white privelige in our classes and I was part of Residence Life at a liberal arts college so I've had my fair share of cultural sensitivity training. I know this is something people of other races deal with on a regular basis and something I will never completely understand given that I am white. I've experienced discrimination for being female before but I doubt to the same extent others of different races deal with. 

I was angry at myself for not doing anything and standing up for my future child. What if he or she had been there and I had reacted the same way. What sort of a message does that send? I think this person would have said this even if I did have my Chinese son or daughter with me. I was angry at the person who said it, and naively shocked. I knew racism existed but maybe because it wasn't part of my everyday experience I didn't realize how in your face it can be.

I'm glad it happened though. Better now then when I do have my child with me. It forced me to think about the situation and later objectively think of an appropriate way to respond. We have a lot more to learn about being a transracial family and about dealing with the many other situations/issues that come along with that. This was a good reminder we need to practice these responses and for that I thank her. Some day our child will prove her wrong.